Taking Life for Granted

Honestly, I'm not even sure how to begin this post. Too many things have happened since the last time I've written. Too many emotions. Too many disappointments. Too many problems. Too many fears. Too much hurt. Too much pain. Just when you think life is settled and it's all planned out...you realize you can't control life. You can't control what happens. You have to learn to deal with it. You have to take one day at a time. Most importantly, you have to let God have His way and allow Him to work in your life. You have to trust.......trust is a big word. Trust is a hard word. It's easy to say, and hard to live. So I'll write this post the best I can...



Since my husband and I got married in May of last year, it seems as if there has just been one trial after another. Health issues. Accident which totaled our car. His finger injury. Trouble in our apartment. Trouble with some people. Issues at his job. Shift changes. The list goes on. I began to doubt what God was doing. Why are all these things happening? Why all at once? Why so shortly after we were married? I began to doubt God was really in control...until I started looking back and seeing that He's been with us the entire way. He provided above and beyond for our new car. He healed my husband's finger when it could have required surgery. He moved us out of our apartment and gave us a beautiful house. He put my husband back on day shift. Even though at the time it seemed overwhelming, God was continuing to provide. Little did I know my greatest valleys were yet to come...

About 2-3 months after we were married, I began having some health issues. I was tired ALL the time. No matter how much sleep I got, I had little energy or motivation. I started gaining weight no matter how careful I ate and how much exercise I did. I was always cold. I started having soreness in my muscles and joints. I couldn't concentrate or focus for long periods of time. I began getting bad headaches, along with terrible neck pain and stiffness. I had swollen glands in my neck. It got so bad, I finally went to a doctor. They sent me home with a prescription for pain (typical doctor). I began to research. Someone suggested I look at my thyroid. I spent hours researching. It all finally started making sense. The symptoms, all the issues I was having...caused by a low thyroid or hypothyroidism. I began an over-the-counter supplement. Nothing was working. Finally this past January I got some blood work done. Hashimoto's Disease. An autoimmune disease. I had a name. I had a cause. I was both relieved and upset, but I was determined to treat this naturally and win this fight with my own body. I can't begin to tell you how much this affects my daily life. It is really hard. I have to fight my own immune system. I began the AIP diet (auto-immune protocol) which eliminates triggers (sugar, gluten, corn, soy, dairy, ect) and allows your gut to heal. This is directly related to your immune system and the issues I am facing. At least I had a direction.

I got a phone call from my Mom the end of January. She had been having some pain in her side for the last few months. She called to tell me that for the past week she began having more complications and that her and Dad were concerned. They were very concerned. She made an appointment to see the doctor on February 1st. The anticipation and fear in waiting is tough. Certainly it isn't serious. Certainly it's a simple fix. Deep down though, the fears began to cloud our minds.

 After her appointment, Mom called to tell me the results. The doctor was very concerned. From what he saw, he was concerned it was an inflammatory bowel disease....or even more serious, cancer. Cancer? No way...it can't be! How? Why? It was an emotional time for us all. I called my brother to tell him the news. I started from the beginning, describing Mom's last few months. She went to the doctor. He told me to skip to the end..."tell me what she has". I told him we didn't know for sure...but cancer was a possibility.


 I think we denied that possibility at first. I know I did. I just didn't see how that was possible. We had no warning. There weren't a bunch of signs. It has to be something else. I guess I felt like if I could deny it in my mind, it wouldn't be true. We had to wait for the test results to see if it was indeed cancer. Talk about a fearful, emotional and draining time. Waiting. Waiting. No one that I know enjoys waiting, and especially about something this serious. We were praying. Others were praying. Certainly God would answer these fervent prayers.

February 8th. My 23rd birthday. A birthday I will never forget. My parents had an appointment for the results. We all waited, anxiously awaiting the news. I got a text that afternoon from my Dad that simply said "it's colon cancer". There it was. There was the answer. There was no denying it now. I can't begin to describe the emotion, pain or fears. Here was my Mom...just receiving the news that she has cancer. Cancer. Cancer. Forced to let it sink in. Emotions were high. What is a person suppose to think? To do? How do you accept it? All I could think was, "how can this be happening?" "Lord, haven't we been through enough?" I was mad. I was hurt. I was upset. How could God to this to my Mom? To my family? There were tons of people praying, this wasn't suppose to be the outcome. I just cried and screamed. I still wasn't ready to accept it. I can't begin to tell you the depth of emotion we all were facing. What do you say to each other? The pain was too deep and too real to talk. Our whole world had stopped. Nothing else mattered now. Our focus was on Mom and what to do next.

We were told she would need surgery to remove the cancer. They wouldn't know how advanced the cancer was until they went in and saw. We had to wait again. How bad was it? Had it spread to other organs? Was it in her lymph nodes? Shortly after she had another test done. They said they may be able to tell how spread it was. We waited for the results. My Mom called me while I was at the store. I froze. I knew this was the answer. I answered. She was happy...the test showed that it wasn't in her lymph nodes. What a great answer in spite of the situation! The cancer was contained to a smaller area. Finally we had some good news.

Surgery was scheduled for February 27th. My husband and I talked. He knew it was hard for me being away from my family during this time. I needed something to do, to help. I needed to be there to support my Mom and the family. I wanted to be there. He was willing to let me go. We had just moved into our new house the middle of February. I had a short time to unpack.We tried to figure out a way for me to go. He couldn't get off work. We only had one car. Plane ticket was expensive and I didn't want to fly by myself. I called my Dad. I told him from the start, the decision was already made on our end. I told him I wanted to come home during this time. He began to get emotional. He told me that would be great and I was welcome any time. I told him I wasn't sure how I would get there yet, but we would find a way. Minutes after I got off the phone, I got a phone call from my Mother-in-Law. She said her parents were willing to drive me to PA. They lived in Iowa. They wanted to help. They would drive me there in time to be there a little before the surgery. The Lord provided the answer, again! I began to see God's hand in the midst of the circumstances. I called my Mom to tell her. I told her the decision was made and I was coming, no matter how much she protested. She didn't want me leaving my husband for so long. She didn't want me leaving the new house we had just moved into a week before. Even though she was facing this huge trial in her life, she was concerned for me. She wanted to put me first. I told her everything else could wait. She spent her life taking care of me. Now it was my turn to take care of her. Family is very important to us. Family does what is necessary. I would be coming for 3 weeks.

We left February 24th. Mom's surgery was the 27th. They were a huge blessing to us! I arrived that evening. My brother and his family were coming Sunday. Let me take a moment to say how much I love my family. My brother and I both live states away from Mom. Neither of us even hesitated to make the trip for the surgery. Some people were surprised we both came. It was a given that we would be there. How could we not? This was our Mother...do you know the depth of love a child has for their Mother, and she for them? We'd do anything for her. You know how hard it is seeing someone so dear to your heart suffer? Not just Mom, but Dad and Elisabeth too. Our whole family was hurting. We needed each other. We were determined to be there for each other. To be there for Mom, to support her. To be there at the house and keep things going. To lean on each other. I am so thankful for the family God has given me.

February 27th. Surgery day. There were hundreds of people praying for this day. We felt the support from family and friends. From our church families. From people we didn't even know or haven't met. God was in control. We knew this. We were clinging to this promise. Just before they wheeled her away, we went back to say our goodbyes til after surgery. To give Mom support and love. Pastor and his wife were there. They prayed over Mom before she went back. We were clinging to the fact that God was in control. Looking back, we could see His hand in everything. From where to have the surgery, to which surgeon to go with.

Surgery was going to be several hours. Back to the waiting. We sat in the room designed for families waiting for loved ones in surgery. It seemed like ages. We anxiously waited for any updates. Finally it was half way done. We kept checking the screen for progress. It was finally over. We waited for the doctor to come out and tell us how it went. With relief we sat there as he told us it went well. He believed he removed all the cancer. Mom was doing well. She was still recovering. We had to wait a couple more hours before we could see her. Finally we were able to go back and see her. What relief! God had answered our prayers. Mom was safe and sound after surgery.

The next week was spent going back and forth to the hospital to be with Mom as she recovered. We played games, talked and just hung out with Mom. Dad spent every night with Mom. His love and devotion was evident. I am so thankful for my Dad and the care he has for his family, especially Mom. The Lord has blessed our family. Many flowers were received. Many notes and messages of support, love and prayers from people.

One night when we headed into the hospital, we were met by a nurse before we got to Mom's room. He told us that the doctor had just been in moments before to give the full after surgery report. He said Mom and Dad "were taking it in and were trying to process it." That didn't sound good. We walked in to find them both in tears, head in hands. We sat there in silence for awhile, fears racing through us. What was the news? Dad was able to then tell us that the doctor had removed 37 lymph nodes during the surgery and that 6 of them contained cancer. They were unsure if any more in her body contained cancer. We were in shock. We had been told that Mom's earlier test revealed a contained cancer. One that hadn't spread into her lymph nodes. Now they tell us it had? This meant she had stage 3 colon cancer. A relapse of emotions and fears. This was serious. It wasn't just surgery recovery. Now there were questions and answers that we needed. Decisions to be made. Treatments to be discussed. It was devastating. Such mountains and valleys during this time. Never knowing what is just around the corner.

Meanwhile my health was continuing to decline. The weeks I was there I had to be on a strict diet. I was still fighting my own body. Why now? Why both at once? How am I suppose to focus on my own health when my Mom is going through such a time? I needed to be strong. I was trying to run a house hold with 3 families. I couldn't be dealing with this now. I was overwhelmed. There were times I felt like I was drowning. Too much to do. Too many emotions to deal with. Too many fears and concerns to process. I began to tune everything out but my Mom's situation out. To me, nothing else mattered at this point. Mom was everyone's focus. We were needed to fight along side Mom in this battle. She was not going to face this alone. We were a family. We had friends, family and our church family.

Finally after a week Mom was able to come home. Us kids cleaned the house and got it all ready for her. We set up the flowers around the house. Her recliner was moved into the bedroom so she could sleep and be comfortable. Mom was home! What a joyous time. A house is not a home when Mom isn't there. Even in the midst of this trial, we had sweet times as a family. I know this brought us closer. We leaned on each other for support. We were there for each other. It helped us all get through. We gained strength from each other. Most importantly, we gained strength from the Lord. Even though at times we doubted, God was still in control.

My dear, sweet husband called me halfway through my time there and told me plans were made. He was coming for a short visit on his days off. I was so surprised. I didn't expect him to drive all that way here and back for such a short time. He wanted to do his part in supporting this family. He wanted to be there for them and for me. He made the sacrifice to drive all that way to show his love and support to us all. I am forever thankful to God for giving such a wonderful man to go through life with. He's always there for me, to support and talk to. I love him with all of my heart! I don't know what I'd do without him! <3

My brother and his family left a week after the surgery. I was staying for a few more days to help. Dad had to go back to work. Mom wasn't anywhere ready to take on the tasks of the house yet. I am so thankful my Mom took the time to teach me how to take care of a house. This seems to be a non-existent thing anymore. So many girls growing up and not knowing how to take care of a home, how to do laundry, how to cook and bake, and just how to do the basics of what we were designed to do. I'm so glad my Mom trained me in this as I was growing up. I owe that all to her.

Before I knew it, it was time to go home. I was torn. I missed my husband so much. I wanted to be home. I also didn't want to leave my family during this time.  My Dad and husband met halfway to take me back. It was good to be home again. To enjoy this new home God gave us. To be in my husband's arms again. To settle back into our life together.

My parents began researching and gaining information on treatments options for Mom. They prayed hard. They read and listened to things. They gained facts and continued to lean on the Lord for His guidance. While chemo is the "normal" way to go, we are not convinced it is the best way at this time. It can do more harm than good. There are many natural, God-given ways to heal our bodies. While this is not altogether "accepted" by most people, this is the truth and this is where God has led our family. This was not decided on quickly or without any thought. Much time, research and prayer has gone into this. Mom is on a strict organic diet. She is eating very healthy. No processed foods. No sugar, which cancer feeds on. They have decided on intravenous vitamin C. Studies have shown this is way more powerful than traditional cancer treatments, and it is natural. This won't destroy her body. We have a peace that God has led us here. He has led us through this whole trial, and He won't stop now.

Meanwhile, my condition continues. I've been on this AIP diet for almost 2  months. It will take months to heal the gut. This in itself has been quite the journey and valley for me. It has changed my life in so many ways. I battle it daily with simple things. While my gut is on the mend, I continue to have bad issues with my thyroid and glands. I have an almost constant sore throat, swollen glands and neck pain/stiffness. I am so tired and fatigued it is hard to do everyday things. I have trouble singing or talking for long periods of time, even making singing in church difficult. I am having trouble swallowing. The list goes on. I have been searching for a natural doctor in our area. The Lord has led me to one close by. I have an appointment this month. I don't know what I will find. I know I am prone to different issues due to my Hashimoto's Disease. I am waiting and hoping for the best.



I would ask for continues prayers for our family. For Mom and I. Our battles are far from over. We have received so much love, support and prayers. It helps more than you know. Continue to pray for God's leading and for His peace.

I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend with my family despite the circumstance. I wouldn't have traded that special time for anything!

While I was in PA, God gave us a beautiful snow storm!

Even though these past few months have been hard, God has not forsaken us. Even though it seemed as if there was no hope, God gave hope. He gives His peace in the midst of our storms. He has worked in lives despite the circumstances. We want the Lord to be glorified in this. It is all in His hands. He has led and guided our steps. He has provided peace and safety like only He can do. I encourage you to seek God in your trial. Nothing is too big or too hard for Him. Nothing is a surprise to Him. He knows. He wants to work in our lives. He wants us to trust Him.